I came to church on one Sunday morning, and one part of the preaching that day was about how most people tend to see negative things. It’s funny because just three days in prior, I had a huge fight with my husband, and later that night after we made up, I realized that such tendency (to focus on negativity) might be the main reason why had a fight in the first place as well.
I suddenly got a call on that Thursday morning, for a 6PM interview appointment at a reputable company, at the same day. I told the interviewer to make it 6.15 because the traffic in this city are incredibly crowded, as all would agree. What happened in the afternoon was unbelievably ‘right in time’. It was raining for hours, the sky was flat grey, and we know what would be the aftermath of a long rain: traffic jam!
I didn’t drive to the office that day, which left me with no option but to call a cab or online taxi to take me to the interview venue. I had made a reservation 10 minutes before 5PM, yet it was really hard to find any who is available around. The first two that I found through the application told me that they have been stuck where they were and requested me to cancel because there was no way they would have arrived at my place anytime soon.
My husband, whom I kept updated about this depressing situation, helped out with his own app and found me an available car that was located close by. However, due to the congestion everywhere, the reserved car finally arrived at my office at around 5.45PM. Of course, I ended up late for almost an hour; and as if it wasn’t enough, I had an issue to find a ride home as well.
It was a catastrophe!
The quarrel with my husband that day was started with my question on the road to my appointment, asking him why he didn’t come to pick me up knowing that I needed him to, and I told him that I would not have had to be in such situation if he did. He came out defensive and told me that it was because he was expecting an important call, which I already knew about, that he didn’t prefer to accept while driving - such an answer that obviously didn’t fix anything.
Then, I started recalling (read: blurted out with rage) about the things he did or did not do that have pissed me off, like how:
I know, none of the above had anything to do with what happened that evening. I went mad and needed to lash it out to someone, and the one available target was my husband. As it was mentioned in the preaching, sometimes – if not most of the times - we focus more on the things that don’t go our way, and forget the rest that actually do. It was a slap on my face that let me recall about those forgotten, ignored happy moments and all the great things my husband has done for me:
Based on several studies, negativity is essentially an attention magnet. It is a general tendency for everyone to remember negative things more strongly, and bad emotions have more impact than good ones.
However, we can choose how we act on this so-called human psyche. For me, starting that day, I learn that it is important to register more positive things in my head and be grateful no matter how cloudy my day is or how irritating someone can be. It is wiser to hold ourselves from speaking out unkind words (some things are better left unsaid indeed!), because our ears would hear them and send such to our brains, dragging us into a deeper negativity. Also, one other key factor is to be around positive people, because negative people can suck the happiness out of you.
When something is getting under our skin, taking some deep breaths to calm down before responding would worth a try. When things don’t go our ways, and if we just couldn’t find a way to turn the negative things into something helpful, maybe our last resort should be simply smiling and say “Oh well, who cares?” Some issues are not really an issue for the long run anyway, thus making a big deal out of it would be such a waste of time, or even worse, something that we would regret in the future.
At the end of the day, life is too short to be anything but happy.
“The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.” ~ Woody Allen
Olivia Burton watch
Taken at Bourbon Eatery & Coffee
I read about Jackie Chan winning an Honorary Award at the 2016 Governors Award, and I was pretty surprised because I assumed that he already got one since long time ago. I mean, he's been such an incredibly talented actor, director, producer, and even singer, isn't he?
What was so inspirational for me is what he stated in his speech:
“That was 23 years ago, I see this little thing (Oscar statuette) in his (Stallone’s) house. I touched her, I kissed her, I smelled her..... Then I talked to myself, ‘I really want one’.”
And then he said, “After 56 years in film industry, making more than 200 films, I’ve broken so many bones. Finally, this is mine.”
There are a lot of times when we think about giving up on something that we do, or about quitting from chasing our goals, because the journey has been consistently bumpy and it seems like we are not going anywhere closer to what we look for; and I believe that Jackie Chan’s speech have touched so many hearts that have to go through such situation.
My husband resigned from his job on early 2016 (he was my fiancé back then) due to his position that forced him to do things that were against his conscience, only 4 months before we got married. He has been in search for a new job since then, and he did everything he could to get back in the game, including contacting his network, dropping applications through job sites, and of course, sending out his CV and attended a lot of job interviews.
It didn’t go quite well, because there has always been a condition that did not meet the expectation of either party (my husband or the employer), even after the second or third stage of the recruitment. There were several times when the company finally gave him the offer letter, which my husband had to decline due to the poor salary increase (some even offered a decrease!) and benefits; while what happened in some other times was that my husband’s skill set was not considered fits to the institution’s expected qualifications. He has been going from bank to bank (his expertise is in Wealth Management area) for interviews, and the result was null for months. He tried his best not to let me see his desperation, but we wives know, don’t we?
However, guess what? One day, 8 months after he resigned, a newly promoted boss from a well-known international Asset Management company contacted him, saying that she knew his number from a mutual relative, and she wanted to meet up and discuss things. We knew straight away that it would have been a job interview (and it was!).
It took another month for the hiring process that includes some interviews, a panel presentation to the boards, and some discussions through phone calls and whatsapp texts. I was in the bathroom when he got the final call, and my heart beat so fast during shower. He ran towards me and screamed happily as he hung up, and I just knew that it was a good news: He was officially hired! We hugged and jumped feeling so thrilled. I mean, this company is one of dream destinations of many bankers out there, and my husband got that job!
When I look back, I smile gratefully because my husband did not stop there after the rejections. I think the hard part is embracing the fact that nothing worth having ever comes easy. It would take time, patience, and actions. It might also take some broken bones, or the courage to get up again after all the no’s. What happened to my husband just makes me believe again that - no matter how cheesy and boring it sounds - if we don’t give up, the hard work will pay off.
Invio outer | Next top | H&M jeans
I am a partial Chinese descent and local Indonesian, and there is some Netherland blood inside me as well. My dad was born in Jakarta, my mom in Medan, and I myself was born in Soroako (I know most of you would probably need to ask google to locate this city).
My ex manager once asked me about this condition of mine, “It must be great to be you, that you can enjoy the both worlds (Chinese’s and local’s), right?” which I finally agreed at some point today, but not at that very moment. I immediately said no to his question.
This mixed-race thing has led me to have a darker skin than Chinese descents, but fairer compared to most of local Indonesians. It did not really matter when I grew up, because I studied at the same school from pre-school to high school, at which most of the students were Chinese descents. However, it went different the moment I stepped into the university. I started to hear pure local Indonesians asking me “You are a Chinese, right?” (read: Lu Cina ya?) while, on the other hand, the Chinese would ask, “I didn’t realize that you are a Chinese, because you don’t look like one!”
Yup, that happens. I was like a Harry Potter in real life, a mudblood, whom no one accepts as part of their racial groups. Even one of my ex boyfriends’ mom, who is a pure Chinese descent (her parents were from mainland China), was hesitant to approve my relationship with his son solely because of my race “impurity”.
It was not an easy case, and I believe this circumstance has impacts on the way I see people as well as how I act and respond to others today. This condition, which doesn’t seem to be beneficial in many ways, has indeed led me to have this feeling of anxiety of being rejected or not wanted when I was younger (even until now, I guess).
The good thing is, the same hot water that softens the potato, harden the eggs. Some people works better under challenges, and I’m lucky that I’m one of them, that this situation also brings me to excel in everything I do, to prove to the world that this girl can do better than those who are vainly pure, which I did - again and again.
And I’m still striving, though. However, I have realized that I’m not alone. There are a lot of mixed-race people out there who probably have to get through the same struggle as well; and numbers of them have succeeded no matter what (including Naomi Campbell, Angelina Jolie, and Meghan Markle!). In fact, there are also some pure blood individuals who’ve got to face discrimination from the majority (remember Hermione?).
So yeah, each person has different problems. However, between the sips of my black coffee in the morning; it still comes across my mind sometimes that I might have not gone this far, if I was a pure one.