Invio outer | Next top | H&M jeans
I am a partial Chinese descent and local Indonesian, and there is some Netherland blood inside me as well. My dad was born in Jakarta, my mom in Medan, and I myself was born in Soroako (I know most of you would probably need to ask google to locate this city).
My ex manager once asked me about this condition of mine, “It must be great to be you, that you can enjoy the both worlds (Chinese’s and local’s), right?” which I finally agreed at some point today, but not at that very moment. I immediately said no to his question.
This mixed-race thing has led me to have a darker skin than Chinese descents, but fairer compared to most of local Indonesians. It did not really matter when I grew up, because I studied at the same school from pre-school to high school, at which most of the students were Chinese descents. However, it went different the moment I stepped into the university. I started to hear pure local Indonesians asking me “You are a Chinese, right?” (read: Lu Cina ya?) while, on the other hand, the Chinese would ask, “I didn’t realize that you are a Chinese, because you don’t look like one!”
Yup, that happens. I was like a Harry Potter in real life, a mudblood, whom no one accepts as part of their racial groups. Even one of my ex boyfriends’ mom, who is a pure Chinese descent (her parents were from mainland China), was hesitant to approve my relationship with his son solely because of my race “impurity”.
It was not an easy case, and I believe this circumstance has impacts on the way I see people as well as how I act and respond to others today. This condition, which doesn’t seem to be beneficial in many ways, has indeed led me to have this feeling of anxiety of being rejected or not wanted when I was younger (even until now, I guess).
The good thing is, the same hot water that softens the potato, harden the eggs. Some people works better under challenges, and I’m lucky that I’m one of them, that this situation also brings me to excel in everything I do, to prove to the world that this girl can do better than those who are vainly pure, which I did - again and again.
And I’m still striving, though. However, I have realized that I’m not alone. There are a lot of mixed-race people out there who probably have to get through the same struggle as well; and numbers of them have succeeded no matter what (including Naomi Campbell, Angelina Jolie, and Meghan Markle!). In fact, there are also some pure blood individuals who’ve got to face discrimination from the majority (remember Hermione?).
So yeah, each person has different problems. However, between the sips of my black coffee in the morning; it still comes across my mind sometimes that I might have not gone this far, if I was a pure one.